♥ Love Never Fails ♥

Overflowing with the need to express

2011-10-24T22:16:00.002+08:00

Dear God

Everytime i listen to your praises

My heart beats wildly

My future looks so much brighter

and so full of promises and hope

When i remember WHO you are

and All that You can do

And everything You have said to me

I fear nothing!

I am so encouraged

By you !!!

Just by looking at who you are

You are so awesome

I can't contain the praises

I want to explode with praises !

Dear God i love you i admire you

I am so so amazed by who You are !

I'm so blessed that you promised to be for me

who can be against me???

AHHH

all my problems fade away

incomparable

to your Glory :)

:)

2011-01-15T21:20:00.001+08:00

God is disciplining me!

not easy

but good to know God's still working in me

=)

hang on and add oil!

♥

2010-09-02T15:30:00.003+08:00

God
♥
Melody

....

2010-08-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

alot is happening !!!

i have no time/heart to update!! BAH

read my journal XD

=(

2010-06-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

i forgive you

=(
=(
=(

because i love u.

=(
=(
=(

a deep longing

2010-05-10T09:23:00.002+08:00

had a wonderful weekend =)
went to rawang for our so called JS reunion hahaha..
had BBQ (which was the main reason im sick and skipping work today)
it was delicious and COSTLY.. XD
(thanks to the organisers and hosts... for all the hard work!)
i really missed all of them... and im really glad to be able to meet up again!

i was hoping for much more than that weekend though..
i was praying that this time, it will be different . diff than pangkor. different than just shopping together. different in many ways.
i was hoping and longing for so so much more.

i needed a friend. a listening ear. an assuring embrace.
i was longing for someone to draw out the water in my deep hidden well.
i was hoping that we could just sit down and relate and talk.

i wanted to know how everyone's doing in their current walk with God.
i wanted to share about the things going on in my life.
i wanted to love someone and be there for him/her.

you see.. i was hoping for a heart to heart weekend there in rawang.. with my dearest JS family.
but i guess we dont always get what we hoped for.
well.. i got to talk to meiyan a little.. probably i expected or hoped for too much.
maybe thats why my heart is still not fulfilled.

i chose to stay at rawang rather than to return to kepong for that very reason.
i chose JS over MYF.. and the musical i've been looking forward to the whole week.
i didnt know why i made that decision until later on.

i realised that im in need. in need of someone real. someone who really really cares. someone who doesnt ask "how are u? " just for the sake of asking and walks away.
i want a true friend to whom i can just pour out everything!

its not that the friends here at home are not "true" to me.
its just that im really drained out. i need someone to mentor me. someone who is spiritually matured. someone who really knows God's heart.
back here i cant think of anyone i can really trust and depend on.

i have to confess.. that i have somehow lost my passion for the MYF. i feel like im not a part of it sometimes. but not always.. coz they're my family. and i love them so much. but the thing is..
we dont relate anymore. like we used to..
maybe its coz i've missed so many myf meetings.. because of choice.
because i chose other places to go to, other people to hang out with, other things to learn.
im at fault. i know that.
i really want to have a day where i can share everything to my MYF and trust that they really care to listen. chosing JS over myf was NOT EASY.

but i really hoped for the love i got from JS. that special bond we call "kamching" . haha
i missed that. thats why i chose to stay at rawang that saturday..
but it was disappointing as usual. not blaming anyone..
i just need to express myself here..

im just going through a stage in my life.
i know God loves me.. i know i can trust Him..
but im feeling spiritually drained and dry.
life's getting comfortable
and getting to a standstill.
nothing is moving.
there's no air. no breath. nothing.
what is happening God.....?
dont hide from me ! =(

but if u must, for me to grow...
then your will be done.
i will always trust u.
i will always follow u.
i will always know that u love me..
i know you never left. i know you're still here.
i just need to know again that reason im alive!

that purpose that directs my whole day.
that reason that i base all my decisions on.
that passion that i used to know.

im meeting up with the eye tonight =)
(im really really really happy)
i went shopping with raci last week.
i went for lunch with myf yesterday.
i went to the market with mummy.
im trying to relate and open myself up to the people around me.
im trying!

everything's gonna be alright.

last night i dreamt of you..

2010-05-02T23:50:00.003+08:00

i miss you... really much.
hard to explain, am i going crazy?
i miss u.. remember the way i felt when u held my hand tight..
when u embraced me in pure security
i felt, like im yours. =)
im yours!

but it was so real! though i know clearly, it was just a dream..

i miss you! .. but am i supposed to?
am i going insane?
how do you miss someone that doesnt exist?
is that even possible?
yes, it is. coz i do. i miss you!
this feels weird, a little freaky actually. haha =)
but i cant help it.
looking forward to each new day
that as time passes
i know im a day closer
to the day when i'l meet you,
someday in the future =)
my dearest dear you.
roaming the earth somewhere out there
right this moment.
i hope you're looking forward to meeting me too!

(when we finally do, i'll show you this weird post) XD

God i know your promises
and it comforts me.
this is between me and you,
its our little secret God!

another!

2010-04-28T14:44:00.002+08:00

INSPIRE ME!

give me the joy of waking up each morning
like i used to
looking forward to the sunrise
expecting miracles
with so much passion
enthusiasm
with a great smile
and a whisper to God
"morning dear God! "

beware world
here comes melody!

^^

2010-04-11T16:59:00.001+08:00

had a great week =)

alot happened. looking forward to the coming week =)

trust

2010-04-11T16:57:00.001+08:00

hold my hand dear God..
when life seems unclear
and the journey feels so long
when im tired, worn out and weary
when i come to you feeling ashamed
guilty
unclean and ugly
please hold my hand.
because i know one thing
that will never change
and this one thing i'll never doubt
that you are holding my hand
leading me through desert roads
telling me, you'l see
melody
i will make all things beautiful in its time
you just hold on for now
i wont let you fall
you may slip every now and then
but i'l never let you fall
=)

2010-04-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
love never fails!
love never fails!!
love never fails!!!

='(

... today.

2010-02-20T00:57:00.000+08:00

tired.

afraid?

confused . . .

needing.

hear me..

heal me.

don't let my foot slip.

don't let me go dear God.

lol

2009-12-22T15:57:00.000+08:00

my daddy says he's gonna invade my blog.

MUAHAHAHAHHAA.

Hi dad. found anything bad i did?
found any secrets?
hahaha
dont be disappointed.
maybe
you'l find one someday . . .

MUAHAHAHAHHA

OWH, its nothing. somebody just said the wrong words =)

2009-11-10T16:24:00.000+08:00

jz a little upset over the conversation i heard in tuition today. =)

She's retiring this Friday.
Puan Joginder. my beloved school head mistress <3
i dont know why, but i respect her ALOT. i love her!
there are things my friedns dont support about her, but i know its not for us to understand.
all i know is she is sincere and gives her best in what she is doing here in our midst. =)

i dont have to argue abt the decisions she made.
i have no rights to tell her the better way to do it.
how can i judge when im not even looking from her point of view?

its okay =) thay were just talking. but the part when they mentioned abt the back gate jz "pushed the wrong button".

hahhah! yes, they can be a little upset that its inconvenient to have to walk a whole big round because she wants it closed and locked up. the back gate was so much more convenient, i know.
but they shouldnt have said that she simply made up jokes and excuses to close it down. ==

why wud she? im sure the teachers took that decision after considering the best for us all.
i hate it. Their efforts and hard work and love behind the scenes are not being appreciated!

UNGRATEFUL PROUD SILLY CHILDISH IMMATURE STUDENTS!!

haha. explosion XD
whats wrong with walking a few extra metres anyway?!
its not like u're all old or disabled! (no offence! )
i mean, come on! we're young kids and u're complaining abt a few more metres!?
think abt the safety of those girls ! especially those who have been molested!
wow was i pisssed when i heard him saying that it wasnt true >.<
jz bcoz it didnt happen to YOU, it doesnt mean it hasnt happened to others!

i know how it feels to be molested.
it wasnt rape, i know. but it still sucks!
i had nightmares since then for a period of time.
dare some old man go around disturbing and scaring little innocent girls!

things like these have left bad impacts in people's lives!
hello? and u're still considering your few metres?!

im glad they closed down the back gate. cuz if i ever get to see that man again, i would have KILLED him XD

( no actually i would have peed in my pants and fainted ) XDXDXD LOL

hahhaha. im sorry im being so harsh here today XD

i just COULDNT stand it =)

it was a struggle to forgive him .
molester man XD

but i did ^^

love is a lifetime's lesson =)

2009-10-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

keeping this post short =) sleepy tonight. . . jz have to say:
God is doing something in our hearts... at youth.
God is doing something in our church.
God is doing something grest in our country...
God is doing something great, in my life.
thanks God.
now i know.. why u allowed me to cry so much.
now i know.. why you said no.
now i know.. why you let me go through the hurts and pains.
now i know, Lord, how much you were protecting me.
now i know, how much you really care for me.
now i know, why u said i didn't have to understand why things happen.
now i understand, Lord.
now i see what you saw.
now i am thankful, and ashamed of myself.
and am grateful that you chose me among all.
that you saw me, through your eyes of mercy, of love and grace.
you'l never let me down.
i know =)
thank you Lord.
make me selfless.
let me love you.
let all i do reflect your glory.
let me make you proud.
let me make you smile.
this is my prayer, for the millionth time =)

i love you so much
what can i say to show how i feel??
there is no such word !

!!

2009-09-04T21:01:00.000+08:00

notice:

missing best friend.
name: benjamin tham yue ern
description: short and extremely cute.
chubby face and pink rosy cheeks.
year of birth : 1992
age this year: 17
place last seen : penang, georgetown.
last school known : SK Batu Lanchang, penang.

kamparrrrr

2009-09-04T20:43:00.000+08:00

those were the days . .

2009-08-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

cant believe how fast time flies !
random memories =)

jj =)

ahahha

yo. peace
smiley smiley
meizhi birthday
ah po XD and ham sap. and me XD
hahahaha modelling days. i mean, DAY.
new year with disgustomaniac
camwhoring with stevee
fooling with rock and weekiat XD
blur pic of me(white, left) and my long lost benjamin =(
misss him.
took this with webcam XD
rmbr how dumb it felt XD
looking back at childhood dreams XD
count count count!!!
miss !

Beach Day , for weeky =)

2009-07-28T22:28:00.000+08:00

sepang goldcoast beach
saturday 11 July 2009

it rocked !!

sweet memories !

XOXO

Storms in Life

2009-07-28T21:01:00.000+08:00

learning to accept changes.
i have to admit,
this was never easy for me.
i hate changes.
i hate to adapt to new environments.
but this change has definitely blown my mind.
wondered more than once
why it stings so badly
as if it was me in the mess
couldn't find a valid reason why
i cried myself to sleep
that night, again.
it really felt like history repeating again
. flashbacks of old times.
when i used to sleep in my tears
while she boils her handphone porridge.
it used to be about me.
nobody cares. nobody cares.
nobody understands!
voices like these echoed always in me.
actually im grateful
that through this experience
i have come to see things at a new point of view.
i noticed the changes in myself
and in some ways
i am glad
that im not the same girl i was.
the room for improvement is the biggest room in the world,
they say.
i know there's much more to learn
the road is still a long way ahead
im sure its a bright and colorful one!
though it also contains the greys and blues
life is not always sunshine and no rain =)

currently things are going at a slow pace.
morning after morning
i struggled to trust in God
i know life is more than this.
i know He has much much more planned for me.
i know He has everything under control.
He knows what He is doing =)

just a lil worried for a dear brother.
very very dear to me indeed.
wept for him in the pain
i felt coming from his broken heart
i felt his hopelessness.
the emptiness and the helplessness.
prayed a thousand times,
God let me have a share of his burden
so that it wouldnt be too heavy for him..
but i guess it happened for a reason.
God will achieve His purpose.
i have to learn
how not to consider circumstances
and just to let go
and let God

just TRUST HIM!
i've seen Him at work in my life
=) i KNOW He can do anything.
and i love Him so much. love Jesus so much...

everything changed.
accept, adapt, move forward.
God never said that
there are not gonna be heartbreaks in life,
but He did say
He'l always always be there to wipe my tears away.

im glad,

somehow im at peace
in this storm.
i know...
i will survive,
because He loves me.

random.

2009-07-04T01:52:00.000+08:00

i come in peace !!!

wedding =)

2009-07-03T23:55:00.000+08:00

LIL bit about wedding ^^
**pics are from bottom up....
so bear wit the cacat ness. XD

below: drunk melody on the way home .
dizzy dizzy dizzy.. camwhore.. XD
saw a clown waving to me. kinda scary XD

seee! this creepy girl staring at me. goosebumps XD
two posers gila XD
wooo. nothing to say. just one word:
sweet!
hahahaha. love this pic. XD like in fairyland or something
me and my dearest. =) thomas law XD
hahahhaa again XD
caught Pastor Tan in 1st time new clothes! XD
and caught there two formally dressed
workers.. weird?
hahaha! he's curi tulang-ing !
and the manager is angry. sesat-ing XD
looks like she's saying "mangkuk!"
hey look! the other worker and his pet dog!
hahahahha. brocolli-like things
hahaha. worker working XD
smiley smiley girl
under my umbrella ella ella..
hahha. US!
THEM!
^^
YEAH. it rained.
hahahaa. hi jere =D
it was nice though it rained =)
poser dude with his long tongue XD
messy messy b4 the wedding!
very b4 the wedding. at pw sis' place. thats pw's nephew.
CUTE fella XD
aww..... nother poser
???
me ! and yeeling =)
hahaha. and how cool.
my bloggie's ending wit the first picture!!!

HOORAY. XD

x

2009-06-20T15:05:00.000+08:00

XXXXXXXX . X

little worried for a friend.
have some sincere confessions to make.
been having some problems about forgiveness.
had this anger towards a friend of mine.
quite a number of my friends know about this.
really, really don't know why i felt like this..
everything in the past three months came flashing back.
so many things im not happy with.
so many words left unsaid..
but i still don't have the courage to say it..
angry with him.
angry with myself.
why did i let myself do those things?
why why why ???
confusion.
pain.
sorrow.
clouds of worry and guilt mixed with anger.
i wonder what was happening to me in the previous week?

i was protective, defensive.
maybe its pride? maybe its unforgiveness?

i dont know.
but on thursday, during our 1st holy spirit meeting
with pastor George
my heart melted and i said to myself
" i forgive him. because i love him, just like Jesus loves me. "
well..
yesterday we chatted a while..

found out he wasnt doing very well..
problems with his fam.
i prayed for him the night before.
just had the heart to do so.
i realised that God made us both.
God isnt defending me and accusing him.
God loves us both
hoping thet we'll learn to uphold each other in love.

i need to refuel.
im not entirely over the anger thing.
give it a little time.
im sure i'l be fine in God's hands =)

im sure he'l be great in God's hands =)
i know God has plans to prosper me,
not to harm me. ^^

i trust in Him completely.
and i mean completely =)

...

2009-06-20T11:25:00.000+08:00

Holy Spirit !

excited ^^

loves!

2009-06-16T14:42:00.000+08:00

thank you for everything

weewangwang~

2009-06-16T13:25:00.000+08:00

so many things to say. . ..
dunno can rmbr all anot. . .

spm coming! have to gambate.
gambate harder XD
getting very busy..
not that i was any less busy b4 this... hmm.

mondays- extra class till 4pm
tuesdays- tuition + music . whole day gone *poof*
wednesdays- BK wit juli n daddy + practices at church
thursdays- tuition + church . whole day gone too *POOOF*
fridays- tuition + stayback for kebudayaan
saturdays- free!! only some mornings XD youth at 4
sundays- no comment ==

hahahaa. how long will i stay in this busy business?
can i survive without the business? haha

next year.. what to do! wanna go in to arts.. wanna go into counselling + those stuff..
what should i do!?
will i reach my goal of achieving straight A's ?
going NS probably...? JS ! its a must.
work part time ? planning to. experience lacking !XD

taking up the diciples training too.
gonna be a LEGAL preacher XD
weird. melody preaching??

^^ hols ended.. yeah.
quite fun.. though didnt have time for myself at all...
everyday out. lepak mostly.. classes, tuition. church events.
SD youth camp! hahaha it was fun. not as fun as the first one i went in my opinion.
maybe its cause it's my second time listening to it. ^^
who knows. met some cool people..
learnt alot through it.
it was a sweet experience =)

getting closer nowadays wit daddy xoxo
i wish i have the courage to say
thanks, and i love you!

but i dont.. not yet. =)
but im taking the initiative to wish him good mormings..
and good nights.. and goodbyes as well.
i know he knows.

used to think he doesnt care.
used to think nobody cares.
now im feeling very grateful
to have so many people care =)
and i dont even deserve it !

^^ been having weird dreams...
hahahah. try not to think about it.

something has been bothering me alot nowadays...
and its really irritating!
how do i get rid of it?
had sleepless nights jz begging God to get it off my mind through the night.
its too much for me!
how to end it?

comparing myself alot to others.
know i dont have to.
but i tend to.
=) wonder why.

missed school today.
fever + sore throat.
panadols.. eee. yuck.
weariong a face mask now.
mum made me do it.
to keep the germs to myself.. haha
she practically told me like ten times
not to sneeze.
to use the same cup.
XD
i love her.
my dear mother.. <3
i hate medicine. its the worst part of getting sick.
other than injections hahaha. XD

melody get well soon!

gambate gambate gambate !

melOdy
find back myself
smiley smiley
no crybaby
positive energy!
energetic
cheerful
selfless !

. . .

2009-06-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

♥

i
miss
you

so
much

today

2009-06-14T15:59:00.000+08:00

school starting again !

1 really REALLY start daily revision
2 cut down yamcha sessions and lepakking
3 stop ALL irrelevant activities
4 practice music ~ REAL hard
5 keep focused and get back on track with God
6 sleep early! (11pm) <>
7 GO GO GO !!!

** dont make me hate you!
im finding it really hard to love you

why is it so hard to love?
LOVE NEVER FAILS!
>.<

^^

2009-05-27T18:31:00.000+08:00

happy !

xoxoxox

2009-05-26T20:18:00.000+08:00

im in serious need of self discipline!

Pastor Chris said im under demonic oppression.
maybe cause of the rejection phase.
maybe cause of the temptations..

TRIALS AND TRIBULATION!!

this year is one tough year.

be strong and courageous melody!

>.<

i will survive =)

waiting for my freedom ! (''\(0.o)/'')

2009-05-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

im going to rejoice.
i know i will .

...

2009-05-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

i talk a lot ! XD

jUst clearig Out my stOreroOm . . =)

2009-05-17T17:11:00.000+08:00

so LOOK here.
i have to make a few things clear.
please do not make it hard for me to care for u
or love you
can you mind your own life's business?
please, please. examine your own walk with God before u try to tell me how to walk my own path.
God is my ultimate teacher, and He knows how to reach me, better than anyone else.
He knows whats really wrong wit me, and He knows exactly how to fix it and turn my weakness into good.
whats wrong with weaknesses? it is in weaknesses that God's power is made whole.
who needs God if we're all so perfect??
come on. stop trying to fix me all the time.
let God!
i know u all care for me, but please can u learn to put me in God's hands. dont try too hard coz it will choke me!

little confessions.

many stuff have happened in my life this year onwards.
i realised that i've changed alot.
how? im not sure how to spell it out, but im certain that i've changed, alot.
not in a bad or good way, its just DIFFERENT.

this year has been tough.

made alot of silly mistakes, but i never regretted making them. =)
bcoz if i didnt make those mistakes, i wouldnt learn from it. i wouldnt know what i know now.
i wouldnt even be who i am today.
i've realised that mistakes are okay, we learn thru them.
so stop trying so hard to keep me from making them!
im human too, in case u guys forget.

u were given the chance to make them, weren't u?
let me grow, naturally, learning through the way.

i know God has plans for my life, i know He will make everything beautiful in His time.

i TRUST Him. completely.
thats why i can choose to leave everything is His hands.
so why cant u leave me in His hands?
and i know u care, thanks. i understand.

dont treat me as if im a small kiddo. ==
i appreciate ur concerns, but also know that God is my teacher too! its not like if u dont come along to "guide" me i will die or something. i hope u get what i mean..

im not a little kid! i know that many look down on me,
i know. come on. haha.
but its okay.

im not judging anyone.
=)

pls dont think im mad wit anyone,
i jz need a space to write out everything thats bothering me.

one thing i have to say.
pls dont ever act as if u understand what is going on in my life.
coz i don think u do . even the ones i share everything with, i think they only understand half of what im facing.
its not extraordinary or super "special" or anything. i know its quite common. but its not always the way u see it. u see the outward and jugde according to what it LOOKS like.
the teasing and the words u all use, hurts me.
it pierced through my heart, and stays there for a while.
it has beed used as a weapon to attack me.
i thank God i overcame.
i know i still have many , many more battles to fight.
sometimes unknowingly, when u guys tease and "play" around, it brings back memories.
flashbacks that i have not learnt to let go yet.
i dont blame anyone coz its natural.
but hopefully this will stop.

like a miracle, maybe? ^^

(boy its gonna be another one of those very long blogs) XD

anyway,
i dont have much to complain.haha.
struggled with my self worth. rejection, was my greatest fear.
it kinda started since childhood. i know the doors were wide open for attack and we jz left it to grow and eat me up internally. i started to overcome as i grew older. i understood that God loves me, and im His most prized possession. thats why i dont see myself as worthless anymore.

but i had to face it again a few weeks ago.
it all came pouring out on me, the deceitful thoughts being shot at me.
everything people said, those judgemental words, the "i pity you" looks,
the pressure of becoming what others expect of me. it was all too heavy! and im just a young human girl! with blood o my goodness! dont expect me to be perfect la come on.
but God taught me to bind and break, and i confessed out loud, staring at myself in the mirror.

God loves me.
 i am NOT rubbish.
 i am NOT filthy. im forgiven.
 im a child of God. 
God honors me. He made me fearfully and wonderfully.
 i KNOW my God loves and respects me.

im ok since. haha. many hav said that i've changed. some said i have not. some say i became LC. XD if u know what it means. some felt that im jz not the same anymore XD hahhaa

i KNOW , man.
i felt the change too. and im not ready to "change back".
i think i can easily go back but i dont find the point in doing so.
maybe if God convince me to turn back to the old way of thinking, i might.
but if anyone else asked me to, i wont even bother. XD honestly. 
coz im not even sure if that way is the right way XD haha. complicated.

bcoz of the "rejection and judgement" thingy i faced, i started to trust people less.
i tend to have this worry at the back of my mind sometimes,
wondering if they wud think this way of me, or they wud say this about me,
and all those crap. but i've also realised that it doesnt matter what u think of me.

though as who i am, with my kind of profile, my biggest fear is rejection.
i know i dont have to CARE what people say.

i dont care what ppl will say! im running after u!
no matter what may come my way,
im running after you! (Jesus!)

hahaha. it doesnt bother me anymore, what u say. but it does hurt me, coz u're someone i love. but it only hurts to know that u dont see the best in me, that u dont believe that im a good girl. it doesnt define who i am. it cant tell me im worthless anymore. and i cannot block out the pain when my loved one thinks im bad, right. ==
its okay. life's not meant to be "happy all the way, rainbows and butterflies and no hurts no pains lalala"

haha. and i stopped taking in so much advise and opinions of others. 
haha! i dont follow blindly anymore and accept everything ppl say as truth.
i filter! XD
some might think that im being foolish and proud coz im not listening to advise. XD
but who cares what u think? if God wants me to listen to you, He'l make me. 
if not, u're opinion about how i should live my life doesnt concern me.
im not going to get all confused with the thousands of opinions and advices again.
haha.

brain bursting XD

la la la la
im making quite a lot of enemies u know. XD
i know i know i know. . .
my silly actions made all this happen.
but i know im forgiven,
im okay in God's sight.
its not my problem anymore if u cant forgive me.
if u think im "fake" or whatever, i cant do anything.
coz i apologised, and thats about all i can do.
i dont even feel guilty in front of u XD cause i KNOW God doesnt condemn me. ^^
its okay if u dont wanna be friends with me.
im actually sad coz every relationship is always worth restoring.
i love all my friends, im jz still learning how to. 
if u're going to stay angry for > i dunno what<>
its all your choice now, me over here is ready to forgive and forget. 

* dont misunderstand, the many "YOU"s i used in this entry isnt pointed to one particular significant person. its to the many many ppl who crossed my mind XD *

its so NOT easy to love someone.
thats why i dont blame anyone for anything. cause its HARD.
its a constant struggle, if u dont have God(the source of love)
it gets even harder. its like impossible!
so i know its okay if u act in a certain way that i dislike, cause we're all learning =)

in everything i do, all i know is i will have to walk in love.
cause LOVE NEVER FAILS!
every action done in love wouldnt mean for harm, but to uphold and encourage.
so i'l just walk in love to everyone.
forgive me if i make mistakes on the way, (which i definitely will)
cause im only learning!! =)

im fine by myself, dont worry ^^
God is wit me all the way.
He's leading me in a special path and teaching me different things to equipt me for every good work.
His plans always come to pass!!

everything's said for now. i guess XD

XOXO

in your word , God i find my strength.

2009-05-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

u dont get it, do you?

2009-05-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

YOU DO NOT DEFINE
WHO I AM.

currently

2009-04-30T18:35:00.000+08:00

since that day when i begged God in my tears

to free me from the pain and torture

i guess He heard my plea

cause nowadays im kinda like emotionless

i feel somehow.. stronger than b4.

thank you God. =)

restore your joy in me

please.

peace !

.
.
.

,.-;+^` melody '^+;-..

F O C U S

2009-04-24T15:23:00.000+08:00

im a NEW person!

nothing can hold me back.

cause God's holding my hands.

He's backing me up . all the way =)

the old has gone!!!! the new has come.

melody's not the same melody anymore.

and i'l FIGHT the old me who loves coming back to tempt me.

i'l fight like hell. coz its not fun at all being that girl.

im not going to fall. God will not let my foot slip.

i know HE wont.

so gambate melody!

fight fight fight!!!

keep your eyes focused on God.

... ~ ?

2009-04-10T11:22:00.000+08:00

after so long!

feels like a dream somehow...

lots of things has changed. =)

period of confusion

period of joy?

period of guilt

period of pain

period of super duper pain!

period of healing..

period of rising up. currently XD

so many things has happened since last year. XD hahaha....

weird. my life was like, tossed around floating in the middle of empty dreams.

dont know....

felt like i've lost my "crown of glory".
felt like everyone hates me now...
feels like a loser.
its my own fault.
but now God is healing me =)
im certain He is!
and i will rise up!
back to the place i fell from....

im so sorry.

dumb me.
but im still human right..
i make mistakes......... right?

2009-03-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

i got a hair cut!!! bad weng kiat!!! XD the 2 days camp was brilliant ! im hyped up XD hahaha!! have to be focused! hav to study hard. have to make a difference! YES! ^0^ wonder what'l happen this yr for my birthday? =D

XOXO fun day

2009-03-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

wonderful.

fever getting better.

today nose-bled 3 times.

twice in school.

second time was so muc that pn.salmah , my 2nd ibu
went to call pn esah. XD

was called to the teacher's toilet to wet my head,
and wash the stains of blood on my uniform. XD

quite funny.

sat in the air-conditioned office till i felt better.

went to change into my pj's.

hahaha...

came home to find a parcel sent by an angel
hanging on the gate.

that beautiful parcel contains:

MEDICINE.

omg. die la... hav to swallow XD

God is on my side =P i wont be afraid.

2009-03-04T22:29:00.000+08:00

IM OKAY =)

need to get back on track.

have so much to learn

need to fight depression

need to get closer to God

so much has happened.
So much.

so much to think about

so much to do

but i guess

i'l live one day at a time.
focus on God =)

it'l all fall in place!

i trust God ^^

GOD LOVES ME !!

HOOI

2009-02-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hooi Weng Kiat:

my very adorable
and funny
friend.

talented !!

=) trust God

2009-02-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

im so relieved...

=)

so many confusion

so many doubts..

but i know what i know.

GOD PROMISED TO HOLD ME TO THE END.

thats what im holding on to.

my mistake ..

2009-02-22T17:53:00.000+08:00

=(

bad bad bad.

melody is so bad... i need to claim forgiveness from God....

its tying me up!! the guilt. im SORRY!!!!

all my friggin fault!!

stopid la... :'(

i feel so bad la.
i hurt God's precious child cause of one very stupid rash decision i made , based on my own feelings. and not God's will.. now i have to end what i've started and hurt both of us =(

it was ok but i had to add more oil to the fire!

i hope he's okay... =(

why am i so bad.

im so lucky to have God lead me in my life. i can't do it on my own.

and seriously, its one of my very first time where i really really cried my heart out for the person i care for. this morning at church, i cried out all my pain in my heart.
the thought pierced my heart, the thought that he's hurting and i CANT do anything abt it, and he's hurting because of MY SILLY ACTIONS ! stupid stupiiid melody...!

im not perfect.... but i wish i cud turn back time to avoid this big hole i pierced thru his sweet heart. i don wan him to think that it has no effect on me. i wish he knows how much i regret and how guilty i feel, how much i love him. from my heart!
but i cant. i cant let him know, maybe it'l be easier for him if he hates me..? maybe it'l be easier for me if he's a bad boy. but he's not. thats why i have absolutely no reason to blame him, its all on me. and thats why it hurts, cause i love him !!!! i tried to care for him jz the way God cares for me. everything was a rash decision. a very confusing week ! but hopefully, God will reach out to him at this time of storm and thunders.

i hope i didnt spoil God's plans... =(

feeling vry protective. NOBODY hurts my friend until they'v passed ME.
i know im supposed to end everything.. right? but its very HARD!!!!

i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. =)

SO MUCH DISTRACTION! whats right ? whats wrong? how do u tell?

God!! only God knows. only He can help.. i'l follow Him.

keep trusting!

God will make a way =)

do not judge me
do not jugde him.
do not judge anyone!
how do u know how much pressure someone has at that time of their life?
how do u know how bad it felt?
did u know everything that someone went thru?
WHY JUDGE AND BE JUDGED?
reach out to help =)

HAISH

2009-02-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

very BUSY !!! no time to even online!

dropping by to say ALOT will be updated when time allows =D

cya !! =)

OMG

2009-02-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

Doesnt this look awfully familiar?
it will if u watch till the end of the video down there XD

i am superman. superman doesn't cry. superman dances!!

2009-02-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

this is an extremely rare video of
ME , PEIWEI and ISAAC displaying our psycho side.

SO..

appreciate it!!!

peiwei's SO gonna kill me.

CNY!

2009-02-04T19:56:00.000+08:00

more pics coming. lazy XD

and btw, i saw JOEE in perak. XD

naked.

Concerto Recording day =)

2009-02-04T19:11:00.000+08:00

summarised it in this lil vid XD
hahha.. alot more pics + videos but lazy lah XD hahahahhaa

ENJOY

random! XD

2009-01-31T00:31:00.000+08:00

....

2009-01-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

im so tired!

pictures ! PeiWei's surprise party part 1 XD

2009-01-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

6 am XD

sneak peek !

2009-01-22T18:51:00.000+08:00

remind me to update on these :

1. timesquare pics
2. peiwei surprise party
3. trip to timesquare 2 > jon making faces.
4. pakaian yang dibeli melody
5. recording at concerto pics XD

tata for now !

TTFN !

aiyayai

2009-01-17T13:25:00.000+08:00

im currently dealing with anger management problems.

wonder why? usually when im feeling like this its coz of pms. but my pms is only due end of nex week! haiz. y am i so irritable nowadays?

SHOPPPP

2009-01-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

hahaha

went times square yesterday after school.

was fun!

^^

went with peiwei joee jonathan steven and chris. the guys were kinda bored. coz we shop non stop. seriously. i even missed lunch coz i was too busy shopping XD spent rm60+ not bad la XD ahaahahha

and good news. last week, sunday actually. my fren started talking to me again. he's a lil cold to the others i dont know why... but he's okay now. at least he stopped ignoring me!

=)

thank God.

melody, you have much much to learn!

will upload the stuff i bought by nex week i hope =)

btw, i ponteng school today! my first ponteng in 2 years. XD feels guilty la. hahahaa

roach attack!

2009-01-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

it was 1 am in the morning. guess what. the best thing happened! XD
=.=" a huge brown juicy flying cockroach landed on the miror! XD ahhh!!!!

i ran quietly and quickly to isaac's room. he was working out ==
and i went " isaaaaaaaaAAACC!!! come come come come !!! help help help!!"
XD and then it all started. ==

this isnt our first cockroach war btw. XD
he took a broom and tried to smash it, but he didnt exactly smash it. i was pretty much not dead at all . =.=
and i was screaming running around in the toilet XD ahahaha
take a look XD
:

he actually caught one and kept it under a jar for a week alr. XD
now he's prepared to terminate it once and for all! with it's new "fren" we jz found . LOL

when i took this shot,it flashed and he got scared and jumped so high!! XD OMG cant forget that memory ever. XD he's such a un-manly man. XD scared of cockroaches! in a jar! XD

saw our little fren there? blur XDyeah. our victory picture. dead enemy!

a picture of the terminated enemy XD

the grand finale XD

hahahaaa. i love isaac yew tze yang XD

my cockroach hero

VisiOn !!

2009-01-14T17:19:00.000+08:00

at last i can online! school school school ==

so much WORK XD
and i shouldnt be onlining now also XD not enuf sleep dy. and still alot of HW. ==

anyway..
last saturday was bersatu nite ! or bersat unite. or bersatunite. XD wtv ahaha

it was not bad. God was present ! ^^
i worshipped Him with my heart and strength! hahaha.
enjoyed his presence, and i was desperate for more of Him. i NEED so much more.

anyway, i went in front for prayer, and the ushers prayed for me. =) two girls, regretted for not getting their names and contacts =(
one of them had a vision of me ! COOOOOL. XD

earlier that week, i broke down in my room and prayed that God will somehow show me a direction, something to confirm with me whether im going the right way.

and He did. that girl said, in the vision, she saw me standing in the middle of a bridge hanging over a rushing river. Jesus was at the other end, waiting for me i guess. and the weird thing was, i was shaking the bridge really hard. i was shaking ! and the wood was not strong. some of the steps i took, broke the planks of wood and i almost fell over! but she continued, that everytime i almost fell, Jesus will help me up again and secure me back into place.

she said that i was going the right way, and i'l definitely reach my destined destination =D
but it'l take time. and i thank God, bcoz He answered my prayers. thats all i need to know, that im going the right way, and that God will hold me all the way. =)

seriously, thats all i need .
i'l trust those precious words. =)

wonder how it'l be like when im older and i look back at these posts and realize, "hey! God has been there all along the way! "

XD " He never left. " =)

i love Jesus.
my flesh is weak. but God is able !!!

doubt dont only hurt yourself, it hurts God too!
Dont doubt God's words. =)
dont doubt His heart.

^^

and the whole process of school starts again ~

2009-01-07T18:03:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL REOPENS!

but b4 that... we had FUN XD

madness = fun
dancing = fun
posing wit ur retarded bro = fun
acting retarded with your retarded bro = fun

this is me ! and isaac. on the first day of school. =)
it was 6 am XD

YES! the 1st pic of the day. i caught him like... THIS!

hahaha. oh ya. forgot this.
taking a pic wit ur bro who's digging his nose = fun
=.=

OMG ugly pic XD ISAAC!!! u making my readers puke!

acting superheroes = fun

hahaha. in short,

isaac + melody = FUN

XD

all for Christ =)

2009-01-07T15:26:00.000+08:00

i love Jesus !!!! ^^

this week im playing drums!!! OMG OMG OMG.

now not yet feel the fear la. maybe on Sunday i will. XD
like selamba only =.=

aiyok. not really prepared la. but dun push how to learn hor.

learning is not easy. =)

hahaa. everything has it's first time. this week its MINE XD

think it'l be fun ?

hahaha. simple songs.
>one way
>i offer my life
>i will sing
>with all i am
>this kingdom

XD hahaha go mel go !

all i want and hope for this sunday is

> that i'l play it with a passion for Christ. if its not for God, what's the point?
what's the point of doing anything at all if its not for God? what's the point of living then?

its all for God or nothing for you XD ahaha

Praise Him With The Drums!
Make a joYful sounD to the LoRD !

Praise Him !!

burdened.

2009-01-04T15:41:00.000+08:00

can i just NOT care!!!?

can i just stop caring?

im so tired. im SO tired!!!

i think im going to blast my radio with hillsongs and start dancing till my heart starts to rejoice.

==

the narrow road is SO tiring!!!!

the wide road is SO inviting!!

i am SO weak.

God, you're SO strong,

HELP ME !!!

argh! swimming didn't help much.

ice creams spoil my teeth. =(

i jz wanna disappear in to nowhere and just STOP CARING.

X( but my heart wont let me do it.

God's love is shed abroad in my heart.

His love compels me to do the right thing.

to keep on persevering

to not grow weary in doing good works.

BUT im so weak!!! i can't handle it alone!!!
i need some backup!
not by might. only by the spirit of God that i'l be able to go through it. =(

my mind is so confused.

i feel so hurt. but what's bugging me?

a good friend of mine has stopped talking to me. =(
not just me, but i dont know why!!!!
what's bugging him?? why doesnt he tell?

i miss the old him. i'l accept the new him, but i hope he doesnt stay that way for too long.. =(
i love him.
but ... its so complicated. my heart feels heavy ! :'(

i read recently about the end times. that everyone will hate me because of Jesus. i dont mind that, but please, not HIM . dont let him stray away from you GOD!!!

not this person.
bcoz i love him.
u sent him to us,
dont send him away now!

i know that your ways are higher than mine.
so i'l trust you.

whatever you hate, let me hate.
whatever u love, let me love.
everything you rejoice over, let me rejoice together.
whatever makes you cry, dear LORD, let me too.

whatever breaks your heart, let it break mine too.
i love Jesus.

go0dbye 20o8, hell0 2oo9!

2008-12-31T12:31:00.000+08:00

its going to be another year!

WOW.

time passes SO fast.

hahaha.. can't believe im going to be 17 in 3 months!
omg. im that old?!
but i thought im still a very little girl!!
17 sounds so old suddenly.
its so close to 18, and 19, and 20!!

hahahhaha..

lol

*hey isaac is coming home today! (from PD football camp)
dad went to fetch him from the train station ^^
that noise machine is finally home again...after one whole month of no noise.
more knocking on the wall again at night... haihhh.

XD ahahha

^o^

x learning to LOVE
x and FORGIVE
x its not easy - at all
x learning how to stop hating!
x learning to un-bitterize myself (if there is ever such a word XD)
x should probably start jogging again XD
x throw the world at me! i have God. I can handle it!!! BOOYAH

XD ahahahaaa

happy 2009 peeps!

SAD FACTS...

2008-12-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

I feel so down now, thinking of those who do not know Him yet.
Jesus Christ.

they live everyday, in emptiness. not recognizing the true meaning of life.

they waste each hour trying to satisfy their sinful desires. and come back realising that they are still as wanting as before.

they waste those precious hours, not knowing that they have to answer to God for every single wasted second when their time on earth ends.

they try hard to search for a reason to live, but they're searching in the wrong places.

they try to find girlfriends/boyfriends thinking that instant intimacy helps to fill their emptiness. it only ends up as another meaningless relationship that hurted both sides. when will they see it?

they search for things that make them feel worthy, but they refuse to seek God.

they try drugs, they try to dress well, they wear revealing clothing jz to get noticed. they do all kinds of things to get attention. to feel wanted. to feel loved. to feel accepted.
but it never works.

they block out everyone who tries to reach them.

they fight back, not knowing that we're here worrying about them every night.

they refuse to listen to anything related to God.

they keep a mindset that everything we say about Jesus is crap. and not important.

they make fun of us, who care for them.

they hardened their hearts, so hard till it becomes like stone.

and they suffer, in their own silly decision to ignore God.

they cry alone, feeling empty and lost.

they never feel complete, and deny that fact.

they HATE us, who talk about Jesus all the time.

they criticize us in front of others, but behind our backs.

they dont see what we see.

they dont understand.

their temporary needs and pleasure are on the top of their priority.

God has no place in their hearts.

the throne that was originally reserved for God has been taken, by themselves.

their selfishness. their ignorance. their lack of knowledge.

why!!!?

why wouldn't they listen????

why why why...

God, pls help them.
Do NOT let go.

im human. im weak. i have my own weakness to face. i have so many flaws.
i might not be able to reach to them always, but you can!

you're strong, God.
help them.

help me to help them.

time is running out..... =(

Jesus said:
*trust in God, trust also in me.*

random pics

2008-12-27T12:29:00.000+08:00

we went makaning snow ices
on christmas day!

hahaha. and i took these XD

Christmas Prezzies!

2008-12-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

hahaa.
jus a lil bit of my xmas presents ^^
some are not here yettt... sorry!

this is a letter from JON!

lol. so small his writing...

hahaha. over all-ly its PINK!! but whyyy!!?
do i look .. very pinkish?
why EVERYONE buy me pink! XD ahahaaaa

frm eric. ^^ pink toooo...

owh. this isnt pink.. not really... frm steven. cacat man giv so many presents. ==

hahhaa. anyway, thanks all for being sooo sweet to remember me on Christmas!
sorry to those i didnt give to, im broke. =)
and lazy. XD

hahahaaa.

thanks buddies ^^

Christmas 2008!

2008-12-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

hahaha. let me show u a lil sneak peek of my christmas this year.. XD
this is JOEE XD we were drinking (1am) at gasoline . funn !

this crazy dude is JONATHAN. XD so happy

poser pics XD.
my sis and her ahem.

me and my CHONG SAU WAY!!
God answered my prayers.. he came church!

ooooyor. chewpeiwei there on the phone wit... wonder who? XD

ahahahaa. sorry jon. i tried resisting but it didnt work.

ahahahaa. cute

wild child. not?

apala! XD

candid!!!

wuiyo. not bad yea? potential partners XD

the me, the jj and the rad.

the jj and the rad.

the me and the jj

awwwww hi mummy!

ok. here's where jon poured wax on my poor pitiful hair. hhaha
its okay jon i forgive u XD

i love them!

lastly, merry christmas!!!

melody

ITS CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-24T15:12:00.000+08:00

hahhaaa.

Went to TMC PJ last Sunday. it was... awesome! =)
that simple Xmas cantata has saved my Christmas this year. i was going to PD for the night, actually for tonight. and have lots of fun counting down at the beach, with lots of frens and BBQ and beer and noise n dirt n sand. XD u get what i mean. XD
XD hahaa. me n peiwei were like undecided coz part of us wanted to go, and the other part wanted to stay.
and its normal for me to be undecided bcoZ i AM an indecisive person.. XD hahah
but we made up our mind to go. somehow, my heart wasn't at peace. i felt ... guilty.

i put on the classical songs and fell asleep on my bed when canon's playing.
(my FAV FAV FAV song ! )
and... when the music got louder i practically jumped up from my sleep! XD and automatically dialled peiwei's number and told her " can i not go to PD ? "
hahaha. then it was cancelled. XD

surprisingly, i felt peace at once! and joy! XD and started dancing around my room smiling like an idiot. XD hshahahaha..

aw. i felt the disappointment in her voice- peiwei. but i dunno. (sorry dear ! )

i rmbred that - christmas is Jesus!
and.. Jesus is at church, obviously not in PD.
i mean, staying here and going to church is a better idea than partying non stop till dawn!

it might have been fun, but i'l choose Jesus above all the fun in the world. =)
Christmas is Jesus right? how can i let myself miss the true meaning of Xmas this year?
another xmas wasted for .. FUN?

haha. i know God has called me to stay.
all i want for xmas isn't my 2 front teeth. or presents. or fun.

i just want God's presence. =)

thats all i crave for!!!

i know my God will answer my prayers. =)

Merry X'mas people!! =)

heehee

2008-12-22T19:38:00.000+08:00

alaaa.
internet problems. so didnt online for days. @@

OH THE SORROW!!!

btw, trying to put a cox here. but i DUNNO how XD ahahaha

ahahaha. anyway

merry Xmas!!!!!!

and a happy new year ~

^^ will be back soon to update =)
yea?

cya!!

Wild life !

2008-12-18T17:35:00.001+08:00

these two monkeys? XD peggy n odilia. love them ! we click easily

apala. caught me laughing XD think i was making a mistake thats why i was laughing. ahahaha.

radiance, Zoe n me! i like zoe. she's so spontaneous n CUTE omgness

us. the camwhoring myf - b4 the concert ^^

hahahaa. monkey kings la. can u believe that these ppl are actually music teachers?!

the elite team ^^

ahaha. alex introducing us XD

alaaaaa. i love this pic! XD miss the gang

and this too!!

ahahha peggy looks so happy

not much here.. jz upload a lil. try to get more pics from concerto ppl ^^

cya!!!

melody rmbr your promise!

2008-12-18T16:27:00.001+08:00

"God I believe in You. I believe in Jesus Your Son, Your precious Holy Spirit. I receive the challenge of the hour. I declare of myself, this is my confession. I will no longer fear the face of man. I will not concern myself with the opinion of man. My reputation is of no importance. I hate the fear of man. I will tell everyone I know for the rest of my life about You Lord Jesus. About Heaven and a place called Hell. I step over the line. I will no longer be indifferent, preoccupied, not caring. I accept Your word. I will not fear, and I will speak up. This is my confession to Almighty God."

Jesus!!!!

2008-12-18T16:14:00.000+08:00

http://www.spiritlessons.com/Documents/BillWiese_23MinutesInHell_Text.htm

This is what eternity is all about. That life that we worry about, it also hit me that we're a vapor, that life is just a vapor as in James 4:14 it talks about and how short this life is. It's short. A hundred years if you live, it's nothing! It goes up like a vapor. And I thought, "We’ve got to live for God." What we do now, here, counts for eternity. We've got to witness. We've got to get out there and save the lost. We can't worry about all these little petty things that we all get so tied up in and hung up on. We need to really get out there and preach the gospel and the good news, because this is over real quick.

The Bible is real plain, we are all sinners, and whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved. Jesus said if you will confess me before men, publicly, then I will in turn; confess your name before my heavenly Father and the Holy angels. But if you deny me before men, I will deny you before my Father. I want to ask you to do something. If you've never publicly, in front of other people, if you've never publicly declared Jesus Christ as your Savior, and made Him the Lord of your life, or if you're unsure whether heaven is your eternal home, remember Jesus hung naked on a cross, in a market place, he hung there for you, He endured your shame.

Jesus said:

2008-12-18T16:09:00.000+08:00

"Tell them I am coming very, very soon."

yldp pics

2008-12-17T15:12:00.000+08:00

Youth Leadership Development Program 2008
my favourite pics XD

spot me on the far end? right corner peace-ing XD
owh. the pre-levels. lots of ppl i love are in there =)

not forgetting this cute dude. leonnard!!! i love him he's so adorable

yes! the cicakman. lawrence and my dearest eric XD aka erica

OMG-ness XD ahahahhaa. laugh my head off. andrew ong- merry christmas guy XD

and of cuz, the crazy helpers. they made yldp fun =)

oh and u know, those kind of stuff where its SO DAMN ugly and disgusting that u jz cant take your eyes off them? yup... its like "eew! i cant bear to watch longer" but "omg they're so ugly i cant stop staring"

hillarious XD

this is why i love them . =) haih

listening time =) there's my group > turquoise!!
and on the left is homework!

hahaha. worship was fun too. hyper

who candid me?! abishua ==

GO TURQUOISE!!!

i love these two monkeys too XD

thats about it. will upload more soon =)

melOdy ~

OMG

2008-12-17T14:35:00.000+08:00

ahahahhaha.

OMGness.
didnt know people actually visit my blog XD
weekiat found it...
>abraham tan saw it.
>eric gan saw it.
and now i know that HE sees it XD ahahaha

embarrasing wei. *oh hi! - if you're actually reading this* XD

hahaaaaa.
bet he wonders whats wrong with me. =3
ntg la! just an infatuatuon, and thats actually normal, and not wrong. right?
but its wrong in my case coz God's teaching me to keep my heart pure. COMPLETELY.
so its something like idolatry if i let myself continue feeding the attraction. understand? XD

attraction stops right there. FULLSTOP. dont feed it or it'l become an infatuation aka "crush".
and im not going to open up my heart anyways so why hurt myself XD
riighttt....

ahahaha. okaaaay... maybe u dun understand. ==
fine. jz read the older post about "i kissed dating goodbye"
XD

lazy explain la. =)

jz enjoy life and enjoy our friendships... ^^
follow God and serve your purpose in living.

nothing matters more than God.

yes!!! ^o^

YLDP 2008

2008-12-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

huiyoooh!

so many stuff to write dunno got space anot XD
*sheeesh* ahaha.

anyway *drum rolls* ....
here's a little list to summarise up what i wanna talk about ^^ in case i forget. =)

1. listerine !
2. "HIM"
3. confirmation on God's calling.
4. meeting jiunnli!
5. basketball
6. i dun rmbr XD
7. leonard! and all the rest. ^^
8. turquoise!!!!!
9. xmas presents!
10. ahahaaaaaa. dunno

well, this 6 days camp didnt feel like 6 vdays at all. it felt MUCH much shorter =( sad XD
anyway, it wasnt much of an emotional thing, like u come back feeling a whole lot ligther, and full of passion... basically, i came back a different person. =)
haha. and there's no doubt about that!! im not the same!
in a good way la ^^

all my problems kind of like, faded a little, and my future seems more ..well.. certain.

incredibvle thing that happened:
we started our journey at 11 something coz the bus was late, and we made a bet XD
i bet that we'l reach at 2.34 pm, juli said 2.25 ... jon said 3 XD
the entire journey i kept checking the digital clock on the bus, and was pretty excited that my guess COULD be accurate XD coz it happened b4 in youthquake... we reached our destination at the exact time i randomly predicted ! and u cant say that im so pro and i know the place and can estimate the journey coz im a super blurr person. XD and i thought that langkawi was in sabah.

hahha!! anyway, guess what. we reached at 2.33 pm !!!!

which amazed me, though it was 1 minute earlier. @@ cooool weiiiii

hahaha. oh ya. juli and i got to sleep in the dorm ^^ lucky us. and thank God too coz i prayed for room ^^ the rest slept in tents XD hard floors... poor things hahaa

my GrOup:
we were randomly put in to groups of 8. and on the first day itself, we clicked! XD my group was really cute :
we had 3 samuels XD so we identified them all as samuel 1 , 2 , and 3 !
so cute right XD and i met my long lost childhood friend = claudia XD crappy girl.
and we had this noise machine, super high and "retarded" . at least thats what they called her XD her name is hengwei. but we couldnt rmbr so we called her homework instead. and thats what we called her for the rest of the camp XD
HOMEWORK! so cute. then there's eric, and me. and our cute group leader dibin XD ribena ahahahahhaa...
there was once when i was tiptoed, shouting " dibin!!! DIIIBIIIIN!! " in the dark crowd ( was looking for him ) only to find him staring at me with wide eyes and a confused face, standing right in front of me XD

i started to laugh like mad and couldnt stop ahahahahha!! so funny wei.
yeah. i love my group. ALOT. i love turquoise!

TURQUOISE ARE HOT TO GO !
> H - O - T - T - O - G - O ! HO! HOT TO GO ! XD
i love my team's cheer too ! hahahaha

sessions:
1st night was scary. kind of.. coz paster Daniel talked about visions, and it stirred up something in me. we wrote down our visions in our bibles. second night was a lil crazy XD its kind of my first time to totally lose control and just cry my heart out to God. XD and thts when i met jiunn li!!
*i love her !*

so yeah, 3rd night was pretty dry. had a bad night i guess... and on the fourth day, God promted me to share my problems with someone. and there she sat, all alone reading her bible. jiunnli. so i approached her without thinking much and shared a lil... and she prayed for me =)
that night was REALLY bad. bad bad night.. but eric cheered me up. ^^ aww. love him lots.
that night i went to sleep and didnt wake up for morning devotion. i woke up alright, but didnt want to go. haha..... but the good thing is, they have devotion right outside my room and i slept beside the window.. so i sat up, faced the window (curtained) and started to write stuff on my file XD wanna see? XD

i started to share to peiwei, and she shared to me too. and we pinky promised to be happy that day. *5th day alr ah* and that day went very well. i felt lighter.. but that night was BAD. kind of. hahha.. but we mended it when homework n i started to play with our "wayang kulit" stuffs XD
sad that we didnt take pictures or vids. it was hillarious and pointless ! but we had fun. and we lighted up each other's hearts too!

last day was fun too. i was okay by then. we had an altar call, not exactly but it was a "call" .
haha. uncle herbie asked all those who are prepared, to make a declaration in front, in public - that they're following Christ. forever.
that was a HUGE decision to make for me, and i was "vibrating" alr when he called us.
i knew that God's inviting me to go, and i had lots on my mind to settle. the "HIM" problem..
can i put it all behind me? am i really REALLY willing to give up ALL my desires to follow God?
making that declration means promising God that my whole entire life would be for Him, and ONLY for Him. not for me.
huge decision to make, but i made it. i declared and that declaration put a stop to my "HIM" problems. his face faded from my thoughts. my mind is cleared, and i feel like im free from a bondage!

i love Jesus =)
i have much to learn, yes. but now i can be certain that God will enable me in everything that i do. all i have to do .. is to make THAT decision, and trust Him. =)

this camp changed my life. REALLY. i came back with determinations. not like the previous camps where i had an emotional touch ( that fades away.. in time)
but this time, it was more of a decision making thingy. and my life's course has been somehow confirmed to me ^^
that im going full time in ministry for God. all uncertainties are gone. im GOING . ^^
hahaha.. God's amazing dont u think?

and all the team building programs taught me alot. . .
that u HAVE to act in a group, not as an individual. and the blindfold game was a TORTURE!! i hate it !!! XD hahaha. wanted to puke and faint. but i thank God for that coz thru that i found out how caring my group members can me. especially Eric =) he really takes care of others. selfless guy ^^ im proud of him !! =)

* and listerine actually works in killing mosquitoes and all the other bugs.
*basketball is addictive! played with concerto yesterday... and with HIM but i didnt feel anything special. thank God =)
*jiunnli is so lovable i love her love her love her ! my biggy sister * haha
*i love turquoise (again)
*i love leonard chin. love him so much =)
*samuel 2 is so damn cute. XD
*meiyan is lovable! very ~
*eric is easily influenced by homeowrk. and i think he likes her XD ahahaha!
*have to prepare SO many xmas presents!

so, overall-y XD the camp was a blast. and im looking forward to yldp 2009!
*merry christmasss! *

will drop by to write more, but now i think the post is getting kind of long ya? XD
so cya !!!

=) happy girl

HIS 1st approach in msn XD

2008-12-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

i know, im being pointless. but, its in me. i'l try harder to resist myself next time

boo says:
miss mel
melody says:
^
boo says:
u going basketball?
melody says:
hahaa
melody says:
ya
melody says:
u?
boo says:
going la...im teacher ler...hahaha
melody writes:

melody says:
ahaha
melody says:
u playing oh?
boo says:
yer........
melody says:
i dowan play le!!!
melody says:
later u laugh at me
melody says:
==
boo says:
u go but dun1 play...go for wat ler
melody says:
hahhha
melody says:
go cheer u
melody says:
haha
boo says:
wait ya
melody says:
okay
melody says:
^^
melody says:
u go where == off jor
melody says:
lol

last message received at 4:07 PM on 12/7/2008.

* boo appears to be offline. Messages you send will be delivered when they sign in.
e-mail this contact instead.

*names have been changed for, dunno what purposes. XD

melody

anOther randOm

2008-12-07T15:17:00.000+08:00

Corner's sitting in front of me as i type. XD hard to type, coz she's lying comfortably on my table. and the keyboard's on my lap. naughty cat ! XD

hahahhaa...

anyway, today i put all my worries and thoughts in Jesus' hands. i wont worry, i wont think more than i should about things that i can never be sure of. the future, eternity, everything. its all in God's hands right?

^^ why worry?

oh ya. im beginning to get attatched to concerto. XD

(hooray. the cat just moved away)
hmm... wonder what i'l becme in the future?
well, prophersy says that im gonna be a pastoral missionary... will i? XD

i keeep thinking i'l be one, serving other nations, not Malaysia. thats what the prophersy said... and i will if God calls me ^^

but, what will i do after spm? where do i go? am i gonna be like moses? JUST GO. XD
but, shouldnt i know what to do at least? like... have an aim to study where, what kind of results are required....

i dunno! XD
but ya, im aiming for full A's in spm. hope this time (too) i'l get my prayers answered. i nvr actually tried studying my HARDEST for upsr and pmr... but God hears my prayers ^^
HOPEFULLY... for spm i'l really try my best. taking God for granted is NO good. XD

hhaaaheeheehihihi ho ho.

** oh yea. HE didnt show up today. im currently learning to guard my heart. God has been telling me to keep my purity, physically, emotionally, spiritually. all-llys. XD
and im getting a feeling that i just might be able to tie up my heart and throw it in prison. XD
and keep my purity ^^

FOR GOD. =)

so yeah.
looking forward to the concerto basketball meeting. and camp!

*rachel i miss you...
peiwei i love u!
joee i wanna hug u!
juli!!! bites XD

to THE EYE : i love being part of the gang!! love u all muaxXx

quick updates ^^

2008-12-06T18:40:00.000+08:00

alo ha lo ha.

jz quick update :

1. yahoo! camps next tuesday ^^
2. today was timothy ans crystal's wedding. hoohoo =( i wanna get married too!
3. SOMEONE commented that i looked gorgeous XD ahahahahahaha. but i dun quite like that word. lol. i prefer beautiful ^^ haha. perasan girl
4. finally returned the guitar pics. ^^ saw jason. XD miss him alr LOL
5. tomoro someone's coming over for praise & worship. @@ hope i'l be able to keep my heart silent. with heart-cuffs!
6. went shopping with Joee them yesterday. was fun. monday prob going again ^^
7. im stopping drum lessons for december. sad. im missing concerto alr.
i dunno why but im like obsessed with that music school ^^

ok thats abt it. cya ^^

2008-12-05T19:50:00.001+08:00

Jesus !!!

how can i not see your hand working in my life?

2008-12-04T14:47:00.001+08:00

The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men. Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish."

RanDom

2008-12-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

its another rainy day....

peiwei came overnight again yesterday.
supposed to go basketball with Danny , jye n weng kiat but they cancelled it last minute hahaha. and i was awake at 6.45 am so we went jogging at desa park city... AND manjalara park XD

hahaha. ran 3 rounds only.. walked up the HILL and was exhausted. XD ate pan mee lols and did some market shopping ..

wanted to join jon at badminton but he didnt answer my call . so cancel lor..

not much. i came home and slept 2 hours b4 i finally woke up to BLOG. XD

haha. lol

Choose...not you!

2008-12-03T12:20:00.000+08:00

=(

your face seemed to have faded a lil.

i keep telling myself to NOT think of you!

i guess it kinda works. ^^

yeah. i'l make myself CHOOSE to not want you on my christmas wish list =)

it'l work!!!!

trust me. =D

TaG

2008-12-02T14:59:00.001+08:00

Tag: Anyone who feels bored and willing to go it! hahahhaaa...
its quite entertaining.

Now u can do it too! Just copy and paste. Do it it's fun!

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your Journal).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.
___12___,
-Your name

1.What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - F*** off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

TaG xoxo

2008-12-02T14:51:00.000+08:00

Dear melOdy,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but i dislike you. I think I realized it when when your dwarf bit me at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're scared enough to understand that I did a sex-change. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about cocaine abuse.

Greetings to your freaky family,

-me.

Please fade away.

2008-12-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

"..at night i pray that soon your face will fade away.. "

God says that .. yes, we all have hormones. attraction happens. but i'm called to control my feelings. control my emotions. stand up against it!

and God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that i can't stand up against it. He will give me a way out so that i will not give in to it. =)

my God is watching closely to my reactions. He is waiting patiently for me to make wise decisions, and make Him proud. ^^

i will not disappoint you God.

be my help.

Psalms

2008-12-02T12:58:00.000+08:00

Psalm 7:7:

Gather the nations before you.
Rule over them from on high.

i have authority, i have dominion. =)
i can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me!!!

O Lord, hear my plea for justice.
Listen to my cry for help.
Pay attention to my prayer,
for it comes from honest lips.
Declare me innocent,
for you see those who do right.

You have tested my thoughts and examined my heart in the night.
You have scrutinized me and found nothing wrong.
I am determined not to sin in what I say.
I have followed your commands,
which keep me from following cruel and evil people.
My steps have stayed on your path;
I have not wavered from following you.

I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God.
Bend down and listen as I pray.
Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways.
By your mighty power you rescue
those who seek refuge from their enemies.
Guard me as you would guard your own eyes.
Hide me in the shadow of your wings.
Protect me from wicked people who attack me,
from murderous enemies who surround me.

Psalm 17

mOooon =)

2008-12-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

MOON!

blur. its supposed to be a "U" shaped moon =( stupid camera ahahaha

this one's clearer but cant see the right "eye" XD

wonderful!!!!

Photos from yesternight ^^

2008-12-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

owh kayyyysss.. here are some of the pics that i took ^^
hahahaha..
camwhore for fun !!
and yes, i was exhausted after the screaming and all the wild acts.

what a night =)

me: looking sinister and evil.

Me and radiance. XD

yeah. was a swell of a night !

melody =)

2008-12-01T14:50:00.000+08:00

i had the most awesome night =)

thank God ^^

its clear too that God's doing something new in peiwei's life !

^^ im so happy =)

plus, its the month of joy right? ^^ yahooooo!

hhahaaa. had a greeat time.

but since that night, i kept having disturbing thoughts. thoughts that put a smile on my face without me realising it. thoughts that keep me staring into nothing. thoughts that make me extra quiet. bad naughty thoughts! dont get me wrong, its not any thing dirty or stuff like that XD hahaha..
im not THAT horny LOL. no, im not horny! XD haaahaa

but he kept appearing in my mind! everytime i close my eyes his smile appears! his eyes! argh. i know this thingy will pass soon. it always does, right?

so jz bear with it........ okay... melody you can do it.... !

and please, dont mess with my mind.

melody ~
* i'l be a laughing stock to all my friends who know who im talking about . =(

GreatMood =)

2008-11-29T11:53:00.000+08:00

OMG !!

i can never explain this! i didnt actually see it coming. but somehow, i knew that God will do something that would completely blow my mind!

and He did. =)

im very very sorry God...
i doubted you even after the many many MANY times you showed me that You're God, and nothing's impossible for you...
and i even doubted your love! wow.. guess im really kind of far from you right now... not that you're not near me, im the one thats far!
i feel so ashamed of myself. i shouldnt have been angry with God. i shouldnt have ignored Him... i shouldnt have been so damn stupid!!!

but God says that He forgave me, even when i burden Him with all my wrong doings.. He's a great God, and a great friend. He's my everything. =)

yesterday at practice, i dont know how, or why or when, but we started playing my song. "everything" by michael buble. and i was having so much fun! hahaha... and weird, Samantha was there and she tried to sing ... and it sounded good! its such a long story! nvm,

cut short version:
We all voted to change song, the chinese jolin song sounded kinda draggy.
then the commitee said that the choice of song was already printed on the brochures or something, so they came up with an idea. XD hahhahaaa.. they said we shall play the chinese song as usual, then they'l bring up a encore kinda atmosphere and we'l start my song! XD

oh. great. all i wanted was to play my happy song. XD and God gave me extra. now im playing 2 songs.. plus they'l make it like im so great they want an encore ==

lame wei! XD cause im not that great. the song's draggy rmbr? hahaha. but... it was okay...
as long as i get to play my song! now my whole world brightened up. XD ahhaha..

coz of a song? i dunno. i guess its coz im not so emotional anymore. pms just finished. talk about God's perfect timing! XD

im so going to have fun tomorrow night. i'l be crazy and all those thoughts about low self esteem, embarassing myself, bad bad moods and everything else just disappeared! XD

hahahhaha.

thank God =)

oh yea, weeky called yesterday. we chit chatted a while and he lost his charger.. XD and needs it urgently. so he was like " where could the bloody charger be!!?" and i said , "pray." haha. so we prayed a very very short prayer and about 10 minutes after we hung up, he sent me an sms saying that someone found it! ^^

thank God. praise the Lord! yahoo. yippie! i was so hype yesterday night.
God is indeed doing something new in our midst. and Im NOT gonna miss it. not this time =)

im gonna be a part of your plans God!!! love you

and im sorry, again.
boy , have i much to learn in this life.

I need You God =(

2008-11-26T17:18:00.000+08:00

i just feel like i really need God now.

ice creams helps sometimes, but it only keeps the hurts away for a moment.

God deals with the heart.

and YES. i need you now.

i really do. NOW Jesus. i need you right NOW.

:(

BadMood =(

2008-11-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

* pls note that this is how i felt at that time and it doesnt mean anything now, and that i was pms-ing. and super emoing. so dun take it seriously!!! tq *

im scared!

i dont know why or what im afraid of. but i know i need some assurance now.

In a bad mood now. not like im angry, im just very unhappy. and tired. what's the point of life?
what am i trying to achieve in this short lifetime??

they cancelled my song. =(
its no big deal, if it makes the concert better then why not? if it lessens my teachers' problems and stress, why not? just cancel my song. Not like im a super pro till people shouldn't miss it. ==

im just a grade one, actually what they did really lowered my self esteem. i DONT KNOW why... dont judge me now! i need assurance! not opinions =(

Its really no big deal.... but i cant help asking whether they really care? Does my teacher care for me? Does he think about how i would feel? at all? was he so focused on the perfection of the concert till he overlooked this one insignificant student of his?
its not his fault probably... maybe they really had no choice.

thay said there was no time for all the songs. so they had to cancel a few... im still playing my drums.. but not for the song i practiced. not the one i practised SO HARD. i took time to go to church to practice, coz i have no drums XD hahaha. YET. XD

i cant help wondering if they even KNOW that i really practiced hard, and i was very excited about this event. i know, its not a huge thing to be excited of. just an annual concert festival for parents and so on.... bla bla.

but it means alot to me. its gonna be the 1st time im playing drums in a band, in front of a crowd. =(

i was looking forward to it alot. i bought new clothes, i had a new haircut, i invited a few friends. now im kind of glad i didnt invite many people. im glad my parents are not going. i even feel a lil regret that 2 of my friends have bought the ticket.
im scared to embarass myself!

im scared. im scared to be doing the wrong thing. am i supposed to feel content and be happy with what ever the situation? am i supposed to be selfless, and put the music school's needs above my own needs? am i supposed to not feel sad at all, and be like Jesus?

how would Jesus have reacted anyway?? im really confused. am i wrong in feeling bad? is it true that im not supposed to feel hurt or unhappy at all eventhough the one thing im excited about is now being CANCELLED?

alot is going through my ming. i cant help thinking that nobody cares for me. i suddenly feel very small again. my very serious self esteem problems are coming back again??! from where!? i thought im over those! why did i weeeeeeep today as if im gonna die or something.

why do i feel so lonely and alone suddenly. i was fine yesterday... i was fine when im in youth's sleep over last night. i thought the ice cream was enough to make me feel better. but i wasnt. i ate 2 bowls of ice. but the hole in my heart seems , still empty!

i wanna cry it out. i feel it inside. why!!!! i was hoping that my PMS wouldnt affect the concert. i wanna enjoy it. but now im not even looking forward to it. im actually afraid of it. im dreading for that day thats coming nearer and nearer!

im sorry, i tend to write alot when im unhappy. :( i wanna cry.

God feels far.
The bible seems to say alot to me about how i behaved. like God's scolding me. im scared!!!

i know Jesus loves me. But voices keep telling me that maybe God doesnt hear me. maybe he doesnt care. maybe he doesnt understand. JUST maybe, maybe He doesnt pay as much attention to me as the other people in the world who face much worse situations. maybe its cause my problems are like " no big deal " to him, he doesnt waste his time on me?

im so far from God. i wonder if i would ever get back. =( im very very very down now........

God help me. i know you're always there. i know you care! i know by doubting you i hurt you alot. but im scared. im so scared. dont let me regret when i meet u in person someday. dont leave me and say " i do not know you. " dont let me stray further..... dont leave me.

i find myself saying this alot when i pray, " God please please.. please dont leave me........"

why? insecurity.

its not just the drums. not just the songs. i guess pms really made it worse XD hahaha

but its the war im fighting recently. war against the lust of the world and God's purpose. war between me and the other me.

i just feel really small, like im useless. like nobody understands. it really sounds stupid. i thought i dealt with this problem like 2 years ago! its coming back? it sounds so stupid. self pity? i hate it. but i have it.

how if i choose to follow the wrong way? how if i decide not to follow God, and he gets frustrated and leaves me!!!! how if my heart failed me and i go after what he said not to go after?

help me pls =(

randOm~

2008-11-25T10:48:00.000+08:00

im a happy girl today ^^

whoooopie ~ ? ?

doopie ~ ? ? ?

doodle ? ?

doo ~ ? ? ? ?

XD ahahahahahahhahahaha

mlOdye

i kissed dating gOOdbye =)

2008-11-24T13:38:00.000+08:00

im scared...

i know God says not to be. i know He said trust Him.

i have to learn to put my faith in His word, and not in my feelings.
^^ Jesus will lead me all the way =)

btw im currently reading this book called "i kissed dating Good-Bye" by joshua harris.

its cool!!! super cool. im slowly being transformed by it. the message is so relevant to my life. as if God prepared that book just for me. and i knew ( 100% ) that God was telling me something. God spoke!

He said , since the game of "love" or dating or whatever u call it.. is wearing me off, why not.... just simply> kiss dating Good bye?

dating has been polluted in so many ways. God created the idea of dating. its to bless us. and we humans corrupted it bad. most people date to fulfill their temporary needs.

like> lonelyness , desperation..
stuff like " i'l look good wit a hot guy/girl " or even " wit Him i'l get famous XD "
.. its not sincere anymore. in many relationships, ppl are looking for something like " what can YOU do for me, what can i get FROM being together with you ? "

its not gonna be that way for me. u cant just get into a relationship when u dont even know whether u're ready for marriage ! at least, be sure that u CAN handle a relationship til marriage b4 u accept anyone, or ask anyone into a relationship! its like using the other person to meet your "NOW" needs and when u dont feel needy anymore u throw him/her away. its unfair!

every relationship is to bless the other person, sincerely and to demonstrate God's unfailing love. its nothing about YOU actually. its all about the other person. to make them whole. to make them happy, to put their needs above yours!

now thats what im looking for. whats the point if u jz go around dating some hot fellas and just KEEP BREAKING UP coz your Objectives are already wrong in the 1st place?
its like wasting my precious life! and making FAAKE promises like
"i'l love you FOREVER" and "i'l never leave you, ever "

even when you really meant it at that time. its wrong! FEELING-based relationships dont last. when u get deeper into a relationship the feeling disappears. familiarity blooms and you might get bored of him/her pretty soon. its God's love that keeps two people upholding the relationship.

its commitment.

and singleness is God's gift! its much easier to serve the LORD when you're not tied up in any way. freedom!! XD ahahah

so yeah. im staying single, yet not available.
for Jesus Christ.

^^
God grant me the strength to trust and obey =)