Overflowing with the need to express

Dear God

Everytime i listen to your praises

My heart beats wildly

My future looks so much brighter

and so full of promises and hope

When i remember WHO you are

and All that You can do

And everything You have said to me

I fear nothing!

I am so encouraged

By you !!!

Just by looking at who you are

You are so awesome

I can't contain the praises

I want to explode with praises !

Dear God i love you i admire you

I am so so amazed by who You are !

(:

(:

(:

I'm so blessed that you promised to be for me

who can be against me???

AHHH

all my problems fade away

incomparable

to your Glory :)

:)

God is disciplining me!

not easy

but good to know God's still working in me

=)

hang on and add oil!

♥

God
♥
Melody

....

alot is happening !!!

i have no time/heart to update!! BAH

read my journal XD

=(

i forgive you

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because i love u.

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a deep longing

had a wonderful weekend =)
went to rawang for our so called JS reunion hahaha..
had BBQ (which was the main reason im sick and skipping work today)
it was delicious and COSTLY.. XD
(thanks to the organisers and hosts... for all the hard work!)
i really missed all of them... and im really glad to be able to meet up again!

i was hoping for much more than that weekend though..
i was praying that this time, it will be different . diff than pangkor. different than just shopping together. different in many ways.
i was hoping and longing for so so much more.

i needed a friend. a listening ear. an assuring embrace.
i was longing for someone to draw out the water in my deep hidden well.
i was hoping that we could just sit down and relate and talk.

i wanted to know how everyone's doing in their current walk with God.
i wanted to share about the things going on in my life.
i wanted to love someone and be there for him/her.

you see.. i was hoping for a heart to heart weekend there in rawang.. with my dearest JS family.
but i guess we dont always get what we hoped for.
well.. i got to talk to meiyan a little.. probably i expected or hoped for too much.
maybe thats why my heart is still not fulfilled.

i chose to stay at rawang rather than to return to kepong for that very reason.
i chose JS over MYF.. and the musical i've been looking forward to the whole week.
i didnt know why i made that decision until later on.

i realised that im in need. in need of someone real. someone who really really cares. someone who doesnt ask "how are u? " just for the sake of asking and walks away.
i want a true friend to whom i can just pour out everything!

its not that the friends here at home are not "true" to me.
its just that im really drained out. i need someone to mentor me. someone who is spiritually matured. someone who really knows God's heart.
back here i cant think of anyone i can really trust and depend on.

i have to confess.. that i have somehow lost my passion for the MYF. i feel like im not a part of it sometimes. but not always.. coz they're my family. and i love them so much. but the thing is..
we dont relate anymore. like we used to..
maybe its coz i've missed so many myf meetings.. because of choice.
because i chose other places to go to, other people to hang out with, other things to learn.
im at fault. i know that.
i really want to have a day where i can share everything to my MYF and trust that they really care to listen. chosing JS over myf was NOT EASY.

but i really hoped for the love i got from JS. that special bond we call "kamching" . haha
i missed that. thats why i chose to stay at rawang that saturday..
but it was disappointing as usual. not blaming anyone..
i just need to express myself here..

im just going through a stage in my life.
i know God loves me.. i know i can trust Him..
but im feeling spiritually drained and dry.
life's getting comfortable
and getting to a standstill.
nothing is moving.
there's no air. no breath. nothing.
what is happening God.....?
dont hide from me ! =(

but if u must, for me to grow...
then your will be done.
i will always trust u.
i will always follow u.
i will always know that u love me..
i know you never left. i know you're still here.
i just need to know again that reason im alive!

that purpose that directs my whole day.
that reason that i base all my decisions on.
that passion that i used to know.

im meeting up with the eye tonight =)
(im really really really happy)
i went shopping with raci last week.
i went for lunch with myf yesterday.
i went to the market with mummy.
im trying to relate and open myself up to the people around me.
im trying!

everything's gonna be alright.

last night i dreamt of you..

i miss you... really much.
hard to explain, am i going crazy?
i miss u.. remember the way i felt when u held my hand tight..
when u embraced me in pure security
i felt, like im yours. =)
im yours!

but it was so real! though i know clearly, it was just a dream..

i miss you! .. but am i supposed to?
am i going insane?
how do you miss someone that doesnt exist?
is that even possible?
yes, it is. coz i do. i miss you!
this feels weird, a little freaky actually. haha =)
but i cant help it.
looking forward to each new day
that as time passes
i know im a day closer
to the day when i'l meet you,
someday in the future =)
my dearest dear you.
roaming the earth somewhere out there
right this moment.
i hope you're looking forward to meeting me too!

(when we finally do, i'll show you this weird post) XD

God i know your promises
and it comforts me.
this is between me and you,
its our little secret God!

another!

INSPIRE ME!

give me the joy of waking up each morning
like i used to
looking forward to the sunrise
expecting miracles
with so much passion
enthusiasm
with a great smile
and a whisper to God
"morning dear God! "

beware world
here comes melody!

^^

had a great week =)

alot happened. looking forward to the coming week =)

trust

hold my hand dear God..
when life seems unclear
and the journey feels so long
when im tired, worn out and weary
when i come to you feeling ashamed
guilty
unclean and ugly
please hold my hand.
because i know one thing
that will never change
and this one thing i'll never doubt
that you are holding my hand
leading me through desert roads
telling me, you'l see
melody
i will make all things beautiful in its time
you just hold on for now
i wont let you fall
you may slip every now and then
but i'l never let you fall
=)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
love never fails!
love never fails!!
love never fails!!!


='(

... today.

tired.

afraid?

confused . . .

needing.

hear me..

heal me.

don't let my foot slip.

don't let me go dear God.

lol

my daddy says he's gonna invade my blog.

MUAHAHAHAHHAA.

Hi dad. found anything bad i did?
found any secrets?
hahaha
dont be disappointed.
maybe
you'l find one someday . . .


MUAHAHAHAHHA

OWH, its nothing. somebody just said the wrong words =)

jz a little upset over the conversation i heard in tuition today. =)

She's retiring this Friday.
Puan Joginder. my beloved school head mistress <3
i dont know why, but i respect her ALOT. i love her!
there are things my friedns dont support about her, but i know its not for us to understand.
all i know is she is sincere and gives her best in what she is doing here in our midst. =)

i dont have to argue abt the decisions she made.
i have no rights to tell her the better way to do it.
how can i judge when im not even looking from her point of view?

its okay =) thay were just talking. but the part when they mentioned abt the back gate jz "pushed the wrong button".

hahhah! yes, they can be a little upset that its inconvenient to have to walk a whole big round because she wants it closed and locked up. the back gate was so much more convenient, i know.
but they shouldnt have said that she simply made up jokes and excuses to close it down. ==

why wud she? im sure the teachers took that decision after considering the best for us all.
i hate it. Their efforts and hard work and love behind the scenes are not being appreciated!

UNGRATEFUL PROUD SILLY CHILDISH IMMATURE STUDENTS!!

haha. explosion XD
whats wrong with walking a few extra metres anyway?!
its not like u're all old or disabled! (no offence! )
i mean, come on! we're young kids and u're complaining abt a few more metres!?
think abt the safety of those girls ! especially those who have been molested!
wow was i pisssed when i heard him saying that it wasnt true >.<
jz bcoz it didnt happen to YOU, it doesnt mean it hasnt happened to others!

i know how it feels to be molested.
it wasnt rape, i know. but it still sucks!
i had nightmares since then for a period of time.
dare some old man go around disturbing and scaring little innocent girls!

things like these have left bad impacts in people's lives!
hello? and u're still considering your few metres?!

im glad they closed down the back gate. cuz if i ever get to see that man again, i would have KILLED him XD

( no actually i would have peed in my pants and fainted ) XDXDXD LOL


hahhaha. im sorry im being so harsh here today XD

i just COULDNT stand it =)


it was a struggle to forgive him .
molester man XD

but i did ^^

love is a lifetime's lesson =)

keeping this post short =) sleepy tonight. . . jz have to say:
God is doing something in our hearts... at youth.
God is doing something in our church.
God is doing something grest in our country...
God is doing something great, in my life.
thanks God.
now i know.. why u allowed me to cry so much.
now i know.. why you said no.
now i know.. why you let me go through the hurts and pains.
now i know, Lord, how much you were protecting me.
now i know, how much you really care for me.
now i know, why u said i didn't have to understand why things happen.
now i understand, Lord.
now i see what you saw.
now i am thankful, and ashamed of myself.
and am grateful that you chose me among all.
that you saw me, through your eyes of mercy, of love and grace.
you'l never let me down.
i know =)
thank you Lord.
make me selfless.
let me love you.
let all i do reflect your glory.
let me make you proud.
let me make you smile.
this is my prayer, for the millionth time =)

i love you so much
what can i say to show how i feel??
there is no such word !